Before anything else, I’d like to put forth that this post is inspired by an article I came across recently which pretty much sums up what I’ve been going through for the past three months. Talk about perfect timing, eh?
Yeap, I broke my own heart by choosing the wrong person. If I were to be completely honest right now, I regretted my serious lack of judgment. I know there’s this quote that goes like, ‘Don’t regret anything. At one time, it was exactly what you wanted.’. Problem was, it wasn’t exactly what I wanted, it was almost. I let temptation and my impatience got the better of me and look at the mess I’ve gotten myself into.
I have many if onlys but as the year is coming to an end, I want to move on. I don’t find crying over spilled milk would do me any good. There’s no point hovering around something that can’t be undone. Every cloud has its silver lining. I’m reaching the point of recognizing my mistakes which I was too blind to see back then. I’d be a hopeless case if I’m still living in denial by now. I pray that there is a limit as to how much of a fool I’d make of myself.
I didn’t change, I just learned.
I’ve learnt to never, ever let temporary people in my life convince myself otherwise to ignore my intuitions and beliefs. If I don’t feel right about something, I shouldn’t let others sugarcoat the situation and steer me away. Regardless how nice they may seem; how harmless you’d think they’d be because sometimes, these people or some wouldn’t realize the issues in their actions. Just because he was a victim in his previous relationship doesn’t mean he isn’t capable of inflicting the same pain onto others. I found that out the hard way.
I’ve learnt to never settle for less than I deserve. The next time a guy tells me to go with the flow, I’ll flip the bird and bid good day. I won’t let others treat me as an option. It’s priority or nothing else. I’ll never let myself be naive again and wait around for a boy to make up his mind. I’ll remember that action speaks louder than mere words and that when things appeared too good to be true, they usually are.
That being said, I didn’t see the point of ending things on a bitter note. There are far better things to do than to wish ill on him. Besides, it’s tiring to hold onto hatred. I’ve read somewhere which said, ‘only hurt people would hurt others‘. Perhaps he’s damaged or scarred. Doesn’t excuse his actions, of that I’m clear. Still, I’d prefer he and I part ways in a civil manner and so I did. I got my closure and left.
As I look back while moving forward, I promise myself to love me more. I can do better, I am enough. I’m a winner by walking away, I’m stronger by letting it go. Much as I’d love to be in a relationship now, I don’t need to be actively seeking out anymore. Call it corny but if I’m meant to be with someone, I need to have faith that love will find its way to me. Some say these things will come to you once you stop searching for it.
You do you, girl, you do you.