It’s been two months –almost– since I stopped entering posts here and as usual, a lot has happened. As much as I would like to say a lot of interesting things have happened, it was more of the same shit that’s been going on albeit some development occurred. I’ve got loads to write about so I’ll make individual posts.
Yesterday, an epiphany struck me as I sorted my thoughts. I’m going to start a series here where it focuses on the kind of guys I meet and dating in general. These stories won’t be coming from an expert opinion but rather, it’s just me keeping track of what I’ve learnt every time I meet someone new. Think of them as dating logs. Hopefully, the lessons I’ve learnt, the little things I picked up or the mistakes I’ve made might help anyone who’s reading them and going through the same experience as I do. Trust me when I say among my friends, I’m considered the naive, blur nut of the group when it comes to dating. Most of them are in stable relationships then there’s also those who have gone through the motions of dating and are experts in spotting rotten eggs. Yeah, I’m the young grasshopper.
In addition, I want to write about my journey of returning to church and going back to faith. With everything that’s been going on in my life for the past five years ever since I left church, I’ve come to the point where I have nowhere else to turn to but God. It’s a big step for me personally because over the years, I’ve always been cynical and skeptical about church. There were many doubts and unanswered questions. Now that my perspectives have changed and decided to walk down this path in Christ, I’m not going to lie I’m scared. I fear that my friends might misunderstand or misinterpret me as the stereotypical religious Christian which is not what I seek to become. I fear that this may cause a gap in my friendships but I pray for my friends’ understanding. I’ve seen testimonies around me of how people change once they become a God-centered Christian and not the superstitious or religious Christian; how they can overcome whatever adversities they face in life. I’ve seen how leaving church has done to my family, to my parents as they divorced last year -yeah, I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned this but here lies the bane of my existence-. I’m still learning in terms of praying and studying the Bible in my Friday prayer meetings and Sunday church services. I’ll definitely be writing this in a separate post.
In terms of the situation that’s going on in my family, we’re facing financial troubles. The worst case scenario would be us selling off our current residential home which we’ve been staying for the past seven years. And from thereon, we’ll be moving back to the old neighbourhood where we originally moved from -the irony, really-. This is if we’re even lucky enough to get a buyer to purchase our house since economy is pretty bad this year. There’s also the grave concern that we wouldn’t be able to get a house in the old neighbourhood for a decent price since the market price has skyrocketed. Worse comes to worst, we’ll have no choice but to rent a house instead. Sometimes when I think about it, it’s surreal how our family has come to this and all because of one man’s action, there’s several chain reaction which affected everybody else.
Moving on from there are my studies. I’m going to sit for this exam that’s either going to get me to the next phase of my law career which is to chamber under a practicing lawyer or if I don’t make it, I’m back to juggling between odd jobs and studying for the resit next year. In all honesty, I don’t feel confident in passing the papers. I started my revisions a little too late and that’s me going from completely not studying at all to getting used to study everyday. There’s so much to memorise and comprehend that I’m fed up about it. All I could think about is ‘give me a 9 to 5 job with a monthly salary‘ so I don’t need to financially depend on my father anymore. I’ve been forcing myself to study and pass the terms for three years in law school. When I got my degree, I thought I was finally rid of the academic life but this coming exam is the biggest challenge I’ve yet to face. I can only blame myself and no one else because I’m fully aware that the only way to pass an exam is to study and I did not gave it my all. So here I am now, accepting my fate -whatever it may be-.
That’s the update and I know it sounds depressing but it is what it is. I can only appreciate the little things and not drown myself in the negativity and be chained to the past. I can only look forward and move forward. Here’s to the next chapter in my life where a season of change is coming and judging from where I’ve started, I have faith that everything will fall into place, in time.