Attraction

I’m down to my last paper which I’m sitting for this coming Friday and honestly, I… quite enjoy these two weeks. I got to interact with my old classmates and met new people along the way. I’ve also came to the realization that deferring my papers last year was undoubtedly an unwise decision. I missed out a lot, from making new friends to getting myself acquainted with how the exams take place.

I’ve already gone through 4 papers and have gotten used to the routine of getting up early, functioning on about 4 hours of sleep on exam days and cramming every piece of information I could from my study materials in one night. I can see my dark circles getting worse by the day. Tsk tsk tsk.

Another strange thing that happened was… I found myself attracted to a guy whom I’ve recently met. I met him on the first day of my exam when I was sitting with two of my classmates and subsequently, we were joined by the others and he was one of them. Our encounter was odd because he was also my classmate but we’ve never been properly introduced let alone spoken to one another. However, I remembered him because of his haircut. He still looks the same albeit his then long hair has now gotten even longer and I guess that solidifies his ‘man bun’. Back then, my first impression of him was just ‘This guy’s the exhibit A of a class clown, one who’s friends with almost everyone in class, loud and outgoing.’ It’s funny because when I do attend class, I often sat behind and he sits in the middle of the classroom so technically, he’s in front of me. Then, at times, I could see his ‘man bun’ slouching and turns out, the guy was dozing off.

Back then, I wasn’t attracted to him at all. I thought he was more of a goofball. That was a year ago, somehow we managed to cross paths again and then, this happened.

Anyways, now that we’ve been properly introduced, we’re friends now, I guess? More like friendly acquaintances -I was almost over the moon when I received an unexpected friend request from him yesterday-. He commented how he does not seem to remember me from class –because I’m the exhibit A of a phantom student– and I said, ‘Well, I do remember you because you shared the same first name with one of our lecturers and he would sometimes threaten to shave off that man bun of yours.’ He laughed at my reply. Another reason being that I looked different now compared to how I was before. Believe it or not, it took me a year to get fit and shed off those extra pounds. So yeah, of course he’s not gonna recognize me. Not that we’ve ever spoken to each other before then.

Truth to be told, I’m struggling with my shyness and timidity. Let’s not even go to the fear of rejection. I’m always awkward when it comes to meeting new people but I have no problem with getting loud and crazy with my close friends. And I can tell, he’s aware that I appeared to be a reserved introvert.

Then there’s the problem with my habit of overthinking things and over-analyzing everything. Not to worry, I’m getting better at taking things easy, thanks to talking to my friends about it. Frankly, you wouldn’t know how you deranged you might sound till you hear yourself speak. I sorted my thoughts out so here’s to writing them down so whenever I feel myself slipping, I’ll know that I can always come back here.

Yes, I am attracted to him. Why? Because from our interactions, he seemed like a great guy. Funny and friendly. Dependable from the way he conducted himself among his peers. Of course, I’m aware this is all just surface-level. And yes, I have those ‘senpai, notice me‘ moments every time I recall our short conversations.

But do I like him? No. Like has to be earned through what you go through with the guy. My interaction with him was just shy of two weeks and it’s never a smart thing to do to jump onto the guy and rush things. I need to stop overthinking and just take things as they come. He’s a funny and friendly guy, that’s all. I’ll remember those little things he said or did during our face-to-face interaction but I won’t emphasize on them. For now, all I’ll see him as is a new friend whom I’ve just met. No more getting ahead of myself or impatience getting the best of me. Just talk to him like how you would a friend, okay?

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