It’s difficult to be ‘just friends’ when you’ve got something else in mind, no?
But, such is life. The more I rationalized my thoughts, the more I find those love confessions depicted in movies or books absurd. No way is real life going to be that simple. It’s human nature to not appreciate things acquired easily. In fact, those with suspicious mind would question your motives when you gathered enough courage to tell a guy about how you feel. This is generally true when the two of you have just met recently.
It’s officially two weeks since my encounter with him and we’ve been talking here and there. The conversations are mostly simple and short in the context of friendship. We’ve also interacted face to face during hangouts with our other friends, so it’s always a group setting when the two of us meet. However, there was one occasion where he almost caught onto me. I was careless and I learned quickly to divert his attention to other things. Thank goodness, it worked!
All the talk about him with my friends has gotten me to made up my mind to never ever confess to him of my feelings. If I don’t say anything, he won’t know. Even if he is able to tell something is up from my demanour or how I conduct myself around him -I’ll have to be very careful-, he can’t confirm his suspicions till he hears those words directly from me. If I say how I feel, that’ll be the end of whatever connection that bridges us together.
There is a hiking adventure coming up this Saturday and of course, the whole gang is in on it. Last night, when we were talking about it, he told me that he would be bringing a girl along. As much as it bothered me at first -a little-, I take that as a blessing in disguise. At least, I got a heads-up rather than being caught off guard later on that day. I’m going to be running for these few days before the hike so that I could get a start on my fitness. I need to get back on track since I’ve been slacking off for the past two months.
I doubt I’ll be occupied with thoughts about him or whatnot since I’m getting over it already. It’s just some silly teen girl infatuation and I’ve got no time or room for that. I’ve got job applications to polish up and send out to firms, a room to clean, tons of old things to throw out and errands to run. Plus, something bad happened with my friend last night and it’s affecting me, one way or another. Especially when it’s a matter which I can relate to on a personal level and it breaks my heart to see her going through it as well.
Guess this is a rough start to the week.