Reflection

I… have much to work on. This bitterness in me is taking over and I’m left feeling empty and hollow. My constant outlook on life gets grim and I can’t seem to be happy and grateful for the little things.

I’m such an impatient person that I’d slap myself over and over again whenever I think about the times I’ve ranted and vented about the same things to my friends. It’s a wonder they stuck around me for so long. There was this video I came across the other day and the message conveyed felt like a wake up call to me. It’s time to put a stop to my impatience and just focus on the present. I neglected the importance of process and all I could think about was my ideal end result. Even writing this down is embarrassing because it sound so ludicrous.

I must confess, I am afraid of getting left behind. I fear loneliness and I kept getting attached to my friends even though they have their own lives to live as well. I can’t get comfortable with being by myself. This mentality has to change. I can’t put my own happiness on others, I can only count on myself. I need to spend more time with myself. Independence, that’s another lesson I have to learn.

Funny how I’ve always been confident that I’m capable of keeping my emotions in check. Sure, I’ll pour my heart out to my girlfriends once in a while but when it came to work, I thought for sure, I could keep personal feelings separated from business. Sad to say, after things that have happened this week, I failed miserably. I let my emotions took control of how I’d conduct myself at the office; in front of my colleagues. Still, I can’t change the past but I can do better. I’ll keep reminding myself to concentrate on my work and pay no attention to whatever that’s going around in the office unless it affects my job.

Hence, this I’ve written down, to always remind me to change for the better.

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